Navigating the Christmas Season While Grieving: A Guide to Holiday Preparations

Christmas while grieving is extra challenging! Grief can be a painful journey, but at special events, it’s overwhelming.

The holiday season can be particularly challenging when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one. The contrast between the expected festive joy and your personal sorrow can feel overwhelming.

This guide offers practical strategies for managing the Christmas season while honouring your grief journey.

Before the Season Begins: Managing Christmas While Grieving

Set Realistic Expectations

• Acknowledge that this year will be different. Very likely all Christmases and other special occasions that you have celebrated too.
• Give yourself permission to scale back on traditional activities. Be authentic to yourself and set boundaries fiercely.
• Remember that grief comes in waves and is likely to intensity during the holidays

Plan Ahead Thoughtfully

• Review holiday invitations and commitments early
• Decide which traditions you want to keep, modify, or skip
• Create an exit strategy for social events that become overwhelming. As an introvert, I have this as a standard 🙂 It has certainly helped my own grief journey, knowing that a plan B is on hand for me to utilise. As a rule, I always travel to events in my own car – this allows me greater freedom of movement, when I need to leave.
• Share your plans with family and close friends so they understand your needs

Create New Meaningful Ways to Remember

• Consider setting up a special memorial decoration
• Start a memory journal to document stories about your loved one
• Create a playlist of music that connects you to happy memories
• Plan a specific time for remembrance rituals
• Light candles – at Christmas while grieving this is fitting and you might want to keep a remembrance candle somewhere for the duration of your grief journey – as long as that lasts for you.

Practice Self-Care Early

• Schedule regular check-ins with a coach, counselor, therapist or support group
• Maintain regular sleep patterns
• Plan quiet time for reflection
• Start or continue physical activity routines

During the Season: Managing Christmas While Grieving

Managing Social Gatherings

• Give yourself flexibility to change plans last minute
• Choose events that feel manageable
• Set time limits for social engagements
• Position yourself near exits or quiet spaces when needed
• Have a trusted friend who understands your situation present

Honouring Your Loved One

• Light a special candle during meals (or in a place where you might see it in your waking hours)
• Share favourite stories about your loved one if you feel comfortable. This one is a good measure of your progress on your grief journey, because when it becomes something that leaves you feeling relieved at sharing, you are shifting. Remember, that you shifting is at your pace.
• Leave an empty chair or set a place at the table. A great friend of mine, draws a cup of tea, just the way her dad loved it, and honours his memory in that way.
• Include their favourite holiday dishes in your menu
• Display photos or meaningful objects that remind you of them

Balanced Activities for Christmas while Grieving

• Alternate between social time and solitude. Here is where you treat yourself, and defend your peace, as you would your best friend.
• Take breaks when emotions become intense – as often as you deem necessary.
• Engage in simple, calming activities like walking, crafting, puzzle building and of course free writing is a wonderful way to help support and regulate your overwhelming emotions.
• Give yourself permission to enjoy moments of happiness. Some of us might feel that if joy comes through that we are leaving the memories behind and dishonouring the ones we’ve lost. Not so – when laughter, happiness, joyfulness creeps or gushes in, let it flow.
• Listen to your body and rest when needed

Managing Expectations of Others

• Communicate your boundaries clearly
• Be honest about your energy levels
• Accept help when offered
• Delegate tasks when possible
• Remember that you don’t need to explain your choices

After the Holiday Season

Experiencing Christmas while grieving is often very contransting when you consider your feelings. Leading up to the celebrations, you might feel an overwhelming heaviness of dread.

Then when frivolity takes over, a plethora of other emotions waterfall in. Guilt, melancholy, irreverence and even joy and peace might pop in for a visit.

Afterwards, while we might expect relief, we can very often be engulfed with more sadness, because now things are quiet, and people have gone home, and now you are faced with the question of “what now?”

Gentle Transition

• Take time to decompress
• Avoid rushing to pack away decorations
• Process your experience through journaling or talking with trusted friends
• Acknowledge both difficult and positive moments
• Take time, and consider reaching out to talk through and have your journey reflected on.

Self-Reflection

• Review what worked and what didn’t. This is a wonderful exercise to understand where you are at any given point on your grief journey. Please know that the back and forth and up and down of your progress, is perfect.
• Note which new traditions felt meaningful, and don’t hesitate to discard those that didn’t serve you.
• Consider what you might want to do differently next year
• Recognize your strength in getting through the season – and I would say that you are embellished with so much strength and courage 🙂

Continued Support

• Maintain connection with your support system
• Continue attending grief support groups
• Schedule follow-up counseling and coaching sessions
• Stay connected with others who understand your journey

Planning Forward

• Create a memory box of holiday items
• Write down insights for next year while they’re fresh
• Begin thinking about future traditions you’d like to establish
• Consider ways to honor your loved one in the coming year

Final Thoughts

Remember that grief is deeply personal, and there’s no “right” way to handle the holiday season and Christmas while grieving.

Some days will be harder than others, and that’s perfectly normal. Your feelings are valid, whether they’re sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy.

What matters most is being gentle with yourself and honouring your needs. The first holiday season after loss is often the most challenging, but even subsequent years may bring unexpected waves of grief.

Trust that you can create new meaning and purpose while keeping your loved one’s memory alive in ways that feel right for you.

As with all of my blog articles, consider this guide as a flexible framework rather than a strict set of rules. Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t.

Your grief journey is unique, as you are, and you have the right to navigate the holiday season in whatever way brings you the most peace and comfort. Peace and comfort is the ultimate goal, and especially during the season which is sacred for so many.

Remember that seeking professional support is always an option if you find yourself struggling. Many grief counselors specialize in helping people navigate the holiday season, and they can provide additional strategies tailored to your specific situation.

(Title Photo credit: Andrew Neel on Pexels)